Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Dealing with Death
I got an e-mail from my sister in California this morning. The news was quite upsetting. She told me a long time friend of the family James Patrick Dale had passed away on Monday. He was 74 years old and died in the hospital. I want to cry so badly but I just can't because I keep thinking of all the good he did for me. About 5 years ago I found out my husband was having an affair with a friend of mine. I packed up my stuff and was planning on sleeping in my car. Jim would not allow this, he made room in his house for me. We would spend time in his hot tub drinking beer, and gazing up at the stars in the sky it was so peaceful. He took care of me when nobody else cared! I guess I thought Old Man Jim (OMJ) would be around forever. I haven't called him in over a year, I wish I would have now. I won't be able to go to his funeral because of school and the fact that my hometown where he died is about 3,000 miles away. I know everybody has their own way of dealing with the death of a loved one, but I haven't had to deal with much death. I really don't know how I am supposed to deal with it.
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Remember the good things. I felt that way when my grandmother died, and I just believed that she understood why I wasn't there, and that she forgave me.
ReplyDeleteFeel what you feel; cry if you want to!
K. Smith
Eng. 226
Great picture!
Remember the good and remember it just takes time to heal. So cry and some more. You were very fortunate to have a friend like that. So many of us do not. That is one of the greatest treasures on earth is to have someone that cares.
ReplyDeleteHi there. Glad to hear that when you went through a rough period in your life, you had such a wonderful person by your side to remind you of how beautiful you were (and still are). Jim sounds like he was the kind of person that would answer all the "Woe is me" comments that were thrown at him with a smile and simple answers like, "Keep living." For him to be a blessing like that for someone other than family makes him truly a rarity these days.
ReplyDeleteWith him being such a positive force then and, apparently, even now in your life, maybe it would help you to deal with his passing if you spent a little time honoring the good times that you shared with him as part of your healing during your personal crisis before. Of course, these are just personal suggestions, but hopefully they may help: a hot bubble bath by candlelight in honor of the hot tub nights enjoyed with him under the stars, dancing to his favorite song (or favorite genre music); and finally, grabbing a special journal to write down all the great memories you have of him while they are vivid in your mind, so that you may later come back to read them whenever you wish to be in his presence.
Tears may or may not come right now. Your mind will decide when the time is right, if ever. I'm pretty sure there aren't any rules.
Be Blessed!
Kharamel
Dealing with death is one of the most difficult things in the world to do and truthfully you never get over it, you just learn how to go on living.
ReplyDeleteBe sure and grieve in your own way. For some people crying is not the way to deal with difficult times. I lost someone I was very close to almost a year ago and I will tell you that the pain of the loss gets easier to carry but the bittersweetness of the memories never changes.
I am so sorry for your loss!
The loss of a loved one is one of those things in life that is inevitable, but can never be prepared for. Every time that you feel sad about this, think that that he is already resting in peace, and he is in a better place now.
ReplyDeleteIt’s natural that the pain shocks all of us, even if we have been through it before. Each of us is different, react different, and each of us is going to deal with it in our own way. The important thing is that you deal with it and keep going.
I am sorry for your loss!